My Humps – Black Eyed Peas

In a week where the charts have included the scattergun ramblings of an animated klein krokodil (“shnappi schappi schappi”), you could be forgiven for suspecting that My Humps might be a riposte from his Bactrian buddy.

But no, My Humps is the latest joint from R&B worldbeaters, Black Eyed Peas.

BEP’s quickly sets the scene by addressing the band’s resident piece of totty with: “Watcha gonna do with all that junk inside your trunk?”.

Again, don’t be confused, he’s not planning the band’s next car boot sale, this is a far more pointed question directed at Fergie’s anatomy. Things are made much clearer thanks to a full-frame shot of her derriere.

It makes me think: remember in the schoolyard how there was always one character — normally with all the charm and wit of a broken bagpipe — who’d delight in making some loud expletive-strewn, off-the-wall statement… which would be duly met with stunned silence… followed up by the rejoinder: “Well, you’re all thinking it, I’m just the one with the guts to say it”.

No mate, oddly enough I’d never put Mrs Tubbs the librarian, a feather duster and a ’74 Monaro into the one mental image.

Anyway, it seems like the BEPs have adopted the same ‘you’re all thinking it’ approach… actually it’s verging on Tourette’s Syndrome.

The video clip itself is hardly high art. The BEP fellas are pimped-up throwing ‘things that make you go hmm’ expressions at the camera.

Fergie is joined by a United Colors of Benetton, ensemble cast of go-go dancers — all with the requisite humps and bumps in all the right places. All pretty perfunctory really — a big motorbike makes an appearance, as does a disco scene… hardly Jean-Luc Godard.

But it seems like I’m in the minority here. My Humps’ launch on US cable channel, MTV, was met with unfettered excitement. Just take a look at some of these postings on the BEP’s fan site…

Bittersweet anticipation from one young fan: “I can’t wait to see it. the only thing is that i have my last driving lesson at 5:30 so i hope they show it in the first half hour of the show”

Excruciating confusion from another: “is that 10 GMT?? PM or AM HELP!”

Unbridled joy in Brazil (I’m guessing): “Entre no meu flog. Comentem! Espero q gostem! Eu curto vcs d+. abracos!”

And choices to be made by another: “i might miss it because i have 2 clean my room”

After going to air on MTV with all the fanfare of a royal newborn, the BEP acolytes again lit up the proverbial chatroom switchboard.

No hint of irony from this fan: “is the best video and song in the world”

Our learner driver picks up on her invidious clash of appointments: “I saw it. It was a great video! i actually had a driving leason at 5:15 and the guy was out in the car and im about to walk out the door and my sis was gonna record it and then i heear them anouncing it and im like omg!!! so i run back in to watch. i was kinda in a rush and stuff so i tottaly forgot what it was like so im gonna go back and watch it now”

For those outside the reach of MTV US the situation was far bleaker: “i will be famouse to be the most desesperated bep fan that coudn’t ever see my humps… ‘( god help me

Chin up BEP fans this clip will be on high rotation. Fergie’s ‘little lady lumps’ will ensure it.

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