Deltra Goodrem – In This Life

I don’t know how it came to be there, but right next to In This Life in my iTunes playlist is a little ‘dialog’ box that states ‘CLEAN’. This is Delta Goodrem’s latest, world-beating, power ballad that we’re talking about. Cracking song. Meanwhile, last issue’s Video Watch also comes with an iTunes warning, only it’s ‘EXPLICIT’. I can kinda understand the need to provide a heads-up on the imminent appearance of gun-toting, flag-bearing, bikini-clad pyschos, but one wonders why Delta ‘Apple Pie’ Goodrem needs to be branded ‘CLEAN’. I mean, what next?

“Warning, this music video features no gratuitous violence or nudity, no lewd or blasphemous language, contains not a skerrick of crotch grabbing, drug references, perversion, incitement to violence, hedgeburning, idol-worshipping, body-piercing, skulduggery, piracy, paedophilia, necrophilia, bulimia, gossiping, belching, eye-gouging, debauchery, sexism, age-ism, dwarfism, speeding, sneezing, torture, bad taste, bad spelling, poor pronunciations, laziness, cattle rustling, or fibbing… You won’t see or hear any perjury, larceny, felony, genocide or herbicide. This video keeps left unless overtaking, it’s gluten-free, lactose-free, sugar-free, with no added preservatives, flavours, or colours and will not contain traces of nuts. It’s 99% fat free and won’t go to your hips. In This Life supports orphans in the war-torn Darfur region, it saves whales, harp seals, rainforests, pygmies, Greenland’s ice shelf, and the ozone layer. In This Life helps old ladies across the road, didn’t inhale, always wears fresh undies, isn’t knowingly undersold and will beat any genuine offer from its opposition by 10%. This music video was in no way responsible for the disappearance of the Lindberg, Chamberlain, or McCann babies, in fact, In This Life adores babies, puppies, kittens, and fluffy little chicks. In This Life is sharp as a blade or your money back, it is fully-franked, unprocessed, organic, sustainable and DDT-free. This video will cut its CO2 emissions by 25% by 2020, has enrolled to vote in anticipation of its 18th, and hasn’t ruled out a role in public life. In This Life is assertive but not bossy and always returns its trolley. It maintains a thriving wormfarm, doesn’t leave the dishes ’til morning, agrees to all terms and conditions, gets your whites whiter,  and won’t leave you feeling drowsy or bloated. In This Life will respect you in the morning, looks before it leaps, gives generously, and is a good listener. This music clip’s Prius has recently been serviced, likes bush-walking, mates for life and is a friend of the ABC. It makes voluntary additions to its industry super fund, enjoys slumber parties, has fruit in its lunchbox, and uses baking soda instead of Jif. In This Life is designated driver, doesn’t leave the loo seat up and is happy to be recorded for training and coaching purposes. This music video turns the other cheek, is slow to anger but tough on grime. In This Life is a gift that keeps on giving, reduces split ends by 19%, is reassuringly expensive and has never had lunch with Brian Bourke or the Exclusive Brethren. In This Life is beautiful but is not superficial, and would gladly share its last Rolo. In This Life is CLEAN.” — CH.

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